Final Week

When Wendy got the news that her daughter, Stephanie, was pregnant at age 23, her world was shaken, especially since Stephanie is not even married.  She constantly questioned herself asking what she could have done better as a parent.  After going through a week of questioning and guilt, she came out of it and was able to support her daughter and see the bright side of being a grandmother.  Her daughter had a healthy baby and Wendy spent a lot of time with the baby caring for it as her daughter worked overnight hours at her job.

 

At the age of 55, Wendy has a great relationship with both of her children.  Her son, Michael, moved to Seattle, Washington for a great job opportunity and to be closer to his girlfriend, Janelle.  He got married and they have two children, a 5 year old and a 3 year old.  He does a fantastic job providing for his family. Since he was born, Michael’s son had been displaying some “odd” behavior. Michael and Janelle were in denial about this for a few years and did not investigate the possible causes for this behavior until their son was around 3 ½ years old. After being taken to a child psychologist, it was determined that Michael’s son suffered from Asperger’s Syndrome. He required a lot of attention and Michael worked non-stop, which not only strained his relationship with Janelle, but made him feel distant from his own son.Wendy felt that if she cared for one grandchild, she must care for them all. She wanted to show support to both of her children by helping with the kids.  Often Wendy would fly out to Seattle to help Michael and Janelle when needed. This required a lot of money, time away from work, and time away from Chris. It put a lot of stress on Wendy. As the years passed, however, Michael realized the strain this was putting on his mother and began working less and putting more time into his family. Janelle and Michael began to require less and less of Wendy’s help, which allowed Wendy to stay home and get back into the work rhythm.

On the other hand, Stephanie has always stayed very close to Wendy. Wendy and Stephanie have a strong relationship and they depend on one another tremendously. Stephanie had been dating a man for 3 years who Wendy wasn’t too fond of at first but has slowly grown on her.  He proposed to her at the age of 32 and they got married 6 months later.  They are now expecting another child.  

Wendy decided to retire at the age of 60 to help Stephanie and to spend more time with Chris.  Wendy was working a lot and so was Chris so they rarely saw each other and when they did, they were both exhausted and didn’t have much to say to one another. Their relationship wasn’t as healthy as it once was to say the least. They were definitely going through a rough time in their lives.  Deciding to retire was a very hard decision for Wendy because she had established so many great friendships and been so involved with her career.  However, she knew things had to change quickly because Chris would come home late at night and often smell of alcohol. She did not want this to be another damper on their relationship since they were not as strong of a couple as they once were.  
 

Now at the age of 70, Wendy and Chris are both retired and are happy as ever.  They have been traveling a lot.  They have conquered Europe and now have the time to fly to Seattle and visit Michael’s family. Four to five days a week, they go to the gym together and work out.  One February morning, they were in the car going to workout and Chris was talking about how he had chest pains but he was determined to work out.  This morning changed everything.  Chris had a heart attack while in the pool at the gym.  Chris was 75 years old and was in the hospital for 2 weeks until he passed away.  
 

At the age of 80, Wendy has been struggling to come out of depression after Chris’ death The two had overcome so much in their lives as well as their relationship and could not cope with the devastation. Stephanie comes over at least three times a week to visit her mom and her grandchildren check on her as well but she isn’t the same person she used to be.  Michael is unwilling to uproot his family and his life in Seattle, so he sends financial support, but Stephanie is mostly on her own. Stephanie decides that she needs someone to care for her 24/7 and she knows that she won’t be able to do that right now at this point in her life.  She decides to put her in a nursing home at the age of 83. Wendy has been emotionless and never refused.  Stephanie stated to the nurse that “she is in her own world and thinks that Chris is still alive.” Wendy was diagnosed with schizophrenia at age 83 and they believe she has had it for several years now. Wendy made some friends at the nursing home but never seemed happy. Wendy’s children hated to see her in this state, especially Stephanie since they were so close. Wendy passed away when she was 86 years old.

Week Thirteen

Charles and Wendy’s relationship continued for the next three years.  Because of their shared child, and the failed relationship with the father of Wendy’s first child, she was determined to make this work.  Wendy had the fear of her children growing up having the feelings that Wendy has always felt toward Sierra and Dan.  Also, Wendy sees that her own father was absent and when her mother met Dan, the two were able to get married and make their relationship last for more than a decade already.  Much to her dismay, Charles never seemed to get better.  Wendy had begun working at a job at the local elementary school, working in the cafeteria.  The pay wasn’t great, but she had some government support to assist her financially.  Wendy became close with a girl named Samantha; Samantha was able to shed the light on Wendy’s relationship, and to give her the strength to leave her situation.

Wendy left Charles with even more insecurities than she had when they started dating.  Where would she live? How will she get by? Her mental stability began to slip away and once again Dan and Sierra had to intervene.  Wendy’s parents took the two children in over the next few years. At first Wendy was distant; luckily the boys were to remain with her parents until Wendy was able to find a permanent living situation and stability with her emotions.  Eventually Wendy began feeling better and started visiting her children a few times a week. Charles had not seen his child since his split from Wendy, but he does pay child support every now and then. When the dust settled, Wendy began considering her education. Thank goodness Dan made Wendy get her G.E.D; Wendy decided to begin working on an associate’s degree to get a better paying job, and one with more benefits.  Wendy was determined to bring her children back into a stable home, and to need minimal or no government assistance.  Wendy began attending the local community college at age 30, working toward a future job as a nurse. Her dream job was to be a nurse in helping children and also those with mental disabilities, since she has personal experience and wanted to work with children. Over the next two and a half years, Wendy juggled a full time job while being a full time student. This was a struggle for Wendy to juggle with both since she had to work by day and take classes at night.

Wendy often had the insecurities that she would never be able to complete her associate’s degree. This especially took a turn for the worse when she had to complete a course in anatomy and physiology before she could apply to be a part of the nursing program. She did not pass the first time, and almost left school fearing failure. However, it was her children and parents that encouraged her to continue on, and she thought about her future life with her children in a stable home. She passed the course the second time around, and continued to juggle work and school. Wendy got accepted into the nursing school at the community college and started to intern at a local hospital and rehabilitation center, which was another thing to add to her busy plate. Despite the exhaustion of work, classes, and being an intern at the hospital, Wendy was happy that she was working towards her dream. At the hospital she even got to work with children with disabilities, and bonded with the children that were treated there.

After a long two and a half years, Wendy graduated with her associate degree in registered nursing at the top of her class. She worked hard for this goal; despite the struggles she managed to climb to the top. After graduating with her degree, she began to look for work and to start her stable life with her children. Soon after graduation, she began work at the same hospital as her internship and even got a position in working with children. Her starting income was better than expected, and she started to work toward buying her first home. Her life seemed to be finally stabilizing, and her parents were considering awarding her sole custody of her children again.

Wendy started saving money little by little to buy a condo to live in with her children. Although she only made about $60,000 a year, she budgeted her money very carefully so she could afford the future life she wanted. Her friend Samantha helped her stay motivated and reminded her that Wendy’s children are counting on her. Samantha truly helped lift Wendy’s spirits up during her stressful job. Meanwhile, she continued to visit her children at her parent’s house as often as possible. Her children have finally started to warm up and accept Wendy as their mother again after the difficult transition period. Wendy was very worried about moving her kids to a different school, so she decided to stay in the area by her parents so they could remain at the same schools. About a year after she started her job at the hospital, Wendy decided to buy a condo a few roads down from her parents’ house. She decided to have her children stay at her place only on the weekends at first to help make the transition easier for them. This also helped Wendy work around her chaotic work hours. After school was out for the summer, Wendy’s parents decided to give her full custody of her children. While Wendy greatly appreciated the enormous help her parents gave her during her difficult time, she was delighted to finally have her family back together again after years of struggling and rebuilding.

Wendy and her children had a great summer together. Although her children were uneasy living with Wendy again at first, she was able to fully gain their trust again. During the summer, Wendy was able to afford to take her family on a vacation to the beach. She loved the feeling of being able to not only provide for her kids again, but also her ability to take them on fun trips which really helped her prove her investment in her family. After a long summer of rebuilding came to an end, Wendy found herself with more free time now that her kids were back in school. This down time allowed Wendy to reflect on the things that she was missing in her life. Wendy decided to join a gym, where she was able to take classes and really found herself enjoying yoga to wind down and release the stresses of working and being a full time single mom again. Over the next two years, Wendy realized that it was time for her to also focus on her social life since her children were often out and about hanging out with friends. Wendy made many friends at work, and even went out on a few dates. Although she decided at that time that it would be too soon to begin a serious relationship, she felt herself falling for a man named Chris who she met at the gym.

Since Wendy began to spend more time with Chris, she did not realize that her children began getting involved with underage drinking when they went out with friends. Wendy decided to put her relationship with Chris on hold so she could work on keeping her children out of trouble. Wendy thought that she had made herself a great example for her kids and she would not allow them to go down the same path she did when she was younger. She urged her children to attend some family counseling together, and with the help of a therapist, Wendy was able to help her children understand and accept her relationship with Chris. Although her children were more accepting, she and Chris still decided to take things slowly and decided they would not rush into marriage. Eventually Chris moved in with Wendy and her two kids which was a huge step in their relationship. It was now time for Wendy’s first child to go off to college. Wendy’s son was not really interested in a four year college, so he began to take classes at the local community college and got a job so he could afford to move out on his own. Wendy’s daughter was still living at home, so Wendy could keep a close eye on her. Her daughter behaved much like Wendy did when she was younger. However, unlike Sierra and Dan, Wendy was patient with her and continued family therapy with her. Wendy was now forty and had to deal with the fact that both of her children were gaining their full independence and were leaving her once again. Wendy invested her time in Chris and work and counseling to keep herself happy and out of depression. Finally, after 6 years together, Wendy and Chris decided to wed when she was 45. At this point in her life, Wendy was now financially stable, living with her new husband, and felt proud of the way she was able to turn her life around and set a great example for her children, that is until she received the news that her daughter was now pregnant at the age of 23. 

Week Twelve

Wendy often looks back on the last several years with great wonderment. How did she ever find herself here? With two children and another on the way, she really doesn't know how it happened. Ever since that day when she first really got in trouble - it seems like it's all been downhill.

Of course, she knows that it hasn't been, even if her life didn't quite turn out the way she had hoped. It could be worse, she figured, and it was only the knowing wisdom of that one counselor she had that gave her another path to choose. She remembers with fondness their sessions and the crap that she gave the counselor at first. She was not an easy person to be with, that's for sure. But then, there was that subtle, knowing glance that the counselor had, and the time that she looked right at Wendy and said, "what do YOU want?" was the first time Wendy had been able to cry. After that, things got a bit easier at home, and Wendy started to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Wendy began to realize that she spent so much time worried about her mother's needs that she neglected to get in touch with her own. So she made some changes, and things were better. Not perfect, of course, but better.

Wendy still had her share of challenges to arrive at age 25 as she has. Her first real boyfriend, who her dad didn't like at all, was nothing but trouble for Wendy and the whole family. But, as a headstrong almost 18-year old, Wendy knew better. A night of partying led to Wendy becoming pregnant. When her parents found out, they threw her out of the house. She was able to come back after only a week and the help of the family counselor working with them at the time. Still, no one was happy with the state of affairs. Wendy considered an abortion and went as far as making the appointment, but then she decided she would keep the baby. Being a mother at 18 was incredibly difficult, and Wendy didn't know what to do or how to do it. She did the best that she could with a lot of help from her mom, and the baby seemed to do OK.

Her boyfriend, of course, was nowhere to be found, but she figured that her father threatening to kill him had a lot to do with his disappearance. Not a big loss as far as she was concerned. It wasn't long before she found herself with another man. Still working on her high school diploma, Wendy really didn't want to get into the partying scene again, and she had her son to care for. She was still living at home, and she just wanted to move forward in her life.

This man, Charles, seemed to be different. He was genuinely kind and seemed to care for her. She had been fooled before, however, so she was cautious. The two enjoyed one another's company, laughed together, and seemed to get along. Wendy let him further and further into her life. Wendy found that she was pregnant again, and she was actually looking forward to having this child. Her daughter was born when Wendy was 22.

Now married to Charles, Wendy just gave birth to her second daughter. Her life seems to be settling in, but Charles has proven not to be the most stable, dependable presence. The two struggle from week to week with bills, and Charles can't seem to keep a job for more than a few months. Wendy doesn't really know what to do, and she hasn't been able to find work - besides, who would watch the kids? Charles can't necessarily be counted on, and Wendy feels stuck.

* Given Wendy's age at the time she became pregnant, should Child Protective Services have been contacted? What typically happens in situations like this?  

* Assuming that Wendy has had various mental health diagnoses in the past and continues to carry a diagnosis, is she eligible to apply for public assistance? What if she is unable to work because of her disability? Look into TANF, SSI, etc.

* What low cost child care exists in the Harrisonburg area? Provide a list of childcare providers and the cost per month for daily childcare (8-5). Choose one provider in Northern Virginia and one in Richmond and report the cost for each of those.

* What is the impact of childhood attachment on adult intimate relationships?